There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
