Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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