I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
did i just pee glitter
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