Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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