did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
