i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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