Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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