i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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