bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
please come you make the beer taste better
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
