I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
