Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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