She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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