I am puke
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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