WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
