careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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