how hairy? two words: wookie tits
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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