every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
