There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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