That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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