Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
