my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
