dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
