So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
