Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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