Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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