im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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