Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
