I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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