Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
