i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
