happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
