another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize