you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
