I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
