Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
