its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Houston, we have a blender
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
