Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're hate flirting, damnit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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