Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
