just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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