drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
