Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My balls are so social today.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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