i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
