A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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