He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
