Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.