none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
