Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole