I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
