i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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