How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
