i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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