guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize