are you still at the devil's house?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
