eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
