At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
