Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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