I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
