Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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