Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
