I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
