The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did I show you my penis last night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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