On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
