how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
