You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
