the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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