I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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