I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize