Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
