Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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