so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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