Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
