Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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