Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
