He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
