god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
